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| Me on the left and Mary Connealy on the right, rockin our red banquet shoes at the 2012 ACFW Awards Gala. |
Home from conference. And...Wow. I was so blessed. I'm still processing, distilling, mulling, and otherwise ruminating over everything I saw and did and heard and experienced.
All I can say is God spoke words into my heart through His people. He forced me to ask some questions I've been trying to ignore. Questions like
"Where is your identity? Because if it is anything other than in Christ, it's in the wrong place." and
"What would your life look like if every day was a celebration of My goodness?"
This was SO different from my previous five ACFW Conference experiences. Those conferences leaned heavily on learning how to write better, learning the ins and outs of the publishing business, and learning how to move my career in the direction I would like it to go. They were all about the writing and the goal of getting published. In short, they were all about me and my goals and agendas.
Not so at this year's conference. I focused very little on my writing, though Davis Bunn's class and his thoughts and insights in how to write hope into our fiction for a hopeless, post-modern world were amazing.
Instead, I felt God focusing on my heart. You see, it's been a strange summer in my writing life. Without a current contract to work on, I've floundered. Researching a little, blogging a little, reading some craft books, but not writing. Aimless and wondering what was in store. I've had constant deadlines for four years now, and sometimes more than one. There's always been a goal, an agenda, a promise to fulfill. But now my work is out on submission, and I'm waiting. I thought I was waiting on the Lord, but mostly I was just waiting. :)
So God decided to gently remind me of a few things, and He chose to do it while I was in Texas.
This year at the conference, I deepened relationships and listened to wise counsel. I met with my agent, who gave great advice and with whom, for the first time, I felt we'd worked together long enough, communicated enough, so I could really relax and be honest about how things were going with me. (This is NOT a reflection on her, because she's...well, awesome! Rather it's a reflection on my insecurities and doubts, those doubts about my identity that God is working on.)
Throughout this conference, where I had no editorial appointments, no real agenda, nothing I wanted to accomplish or had to do in order for the conference to be deemed a success for me, I found myself listening more. I tried to focus on listening to the stories of those around me, and more importantly, I tried to listen to what God was saying. I felt God pouring His love and life and grace into some areas of my heart that I'd been withholding from Him. Areas that, through my actions, I had allowed to dry out and wither. Areas that are now springing to life under His grace.
Hopefully, through all this rambling, you can see that I had a wonderful time, and that it was a growing experience for me. I'm refreshed, renewed, eager to get to work, and so very thankful.
This song from our worship time especially blessed me. Do you know it?
You are Good
Brian Johnson, Jeremy Riddle Bethel Music Publishing c 2010
I want to scream it out
From every mountain top
Your goodness knows no bounds
Your goodness never stops
Your mercy follows me
Your kindness fills my life
Your Love amazes me
I sing because You are good
And I dance because You are good
And I shout because You are good
You are good to me to me
Nothing and no one comes
Anywhere close to You
The earth and oceans deep
Only reflect this truth
And in my darkest night
You shine as bright as day
Your Love amazes me
With a cry of praise my heart will proclaim
You are good You are good
In the Sun or rain my life celebrates
You are good You are good
You'll notice I underlined the last two lines. They keep repeating in my head and heart. What would my life look like if every day, sun or rain, my life was a celebration of the goodness of God?